The unfathomable potential of women’s anger
Angry women are often considered too emotional. “I don’t feel angry,” I hear many women say when the conversation comes to anger. “I am not an angry person” seems to be a quality statement in Western society. You can either not be angry and thus a good person, or you can be angry and thus a bad person. While boys might be encouraged to have a good fight, girls are trained early on to be nice. Being nice doesn’t fit with the expression of anger. Anger is a great many things, but, yes, it is not nice.
Let me tell you something: If you really care about yourself, the future of our planet and the future of your loved ones, it is about time you reclaim your anger and stop being nice.
Nice women won’t change the world. Angry women will. Actually, they already are.
Now if you think of angry women as screaming and yelling and throwing a tantrum, that’s not what I am talking about. Getting loud might be necessary in some occasions, but what anger is really about is something different. Anger is an immense resource for humankind, and women have a specifically powerful connection to that resource that comes from our womb, our capacity to give birth, our connection to the life-giving and life-taking forces of nature.
We have been told that anger is destructive. That it is bad and unprofessional. That it is aggressive, explosive, violent, and childish. When you got angry as a child, you most likely were told to pull yourself together, to calm down, to go into your room and come back when you’re reasonable again. You may even have received a beating when you got angry.
It makes totally sense then that you don’t want to be angry, let alone be labelled angry.
I remember sensing my anger as a young girl. I loved to express it, but I couldn’t find an appropriate space to let it out. I knew it was inappropriate, so I held it back, and that was really frustrating. Finally, my parents found me a judo class to join. It was a start, and valuable for me to have the possibility to physically fight with others.
As a Human Being, anger comes as part of your standard software. It is part of your life force, and it is an immense source of wisdom. Anger is neutral energy and information that can serve you, when you learn how. Anger is also the force that allows child birth. None of us would be here if women didn’t hold the capacity to feel anger in their bodies.
It doesn’t even matter whether you have given birth or not, your body knows the power of that potential. You know it deep in your bones, or rather: in your womb.
Anger doesn’t always have to be loud and intense. In fact, most of the times, it isn’t.
Even without having learned how to use your anger consciously, you are already using the wisdom of low intensities of anger in your everyday life.
Did you ever get to a point of clarity where you just know “That’s enough.” A moment of clear knowing without a volcanic explosion. Or did you ever hang around in bed in the morning not wanting to get up, and then scraping all your determination together to get your body moving and get out of bed? Or maybe you were faced with a choice and couldn’t make up your mind, until at some point you just went for one option? These are all situations where your anger served you at a low intensity.
Most of us have learned to suppress our anger.
What happens when we suppress our anger is that we stay numb to its energy and information as it builds up. The built-up energy may show up as tensions in our body or even as disease, and it likely will leak out sideways. Ever wondered about “nagging” and gossiping women? These women are angry, and they’re numb to it.
With that numbing, you can only feel your anger when it reaches the level where you are no longer numb. For many people that level is around 70-80%. That is a lot of anger, and it feels huge – especially when you didn’t learn to handle it. Beyond that numbness level, your anger rushes through you uncontrollably, and you explode. Like a volcano, you erupt with the heat of your anger and burn everything around you. Saying things you didn’t want to say, destroying things that you didn’t want to destroy, even hurting people that you didn’t want to hurt.
How do you numb yourself? Most likely by trying to manage your anger from the rational mind. Telling yourself you should do things that your whole body tells you not to do. Ignoring the sensations in your belly when asked a question and replying with an answer that you think will please the other. Then going and eating sweets, junk, or drinking alcohol. Numbing yourself with drugs, social media scrolling, gossiping, watching TV or Netflix, and more.
There are a lot of conditionings in modern culture especially for women that make it seem life-threatening to be clear about what they really want.
What if you learned to feel the lower intensities of your anger instead?
You would learn to say Yes and No when you really mean it. You could say what you want, and feel the joy that comes from honouring your own truth. You could be radically honest with yourself and others, and you could realise that this is what they’ve been hungry for. You could also stand in your power and be OK with the fact that others might not like that. Allowing yourself to feel those low intensities of your anger can help you make big changes in your life.
I still remember the big shifts that happened in my life once I started to reclaim my anger consciously to make decisions, to speak up for what matters to me, to take radical decisions. It’s changed my life and I am truly grateful for that.
I needed to be able to access my decisiveness and courage when I chose to quit my legal career and my office job and started following my passion.