It can’t be that simple, I thought.
Here I was, looking for complex answers to complex questions, and what I received was: simple.
The first night on the hill was very gentle with me. More than gentle. It was amazing. There was no Moon in sight, no cloud either, and the stars shone all over the night sky, making the Milky Way clearly visible, and I thought I could even see other galaxies in the far far distance. It was a warm night, too, absolutely quiet, and two distinct shooting stars greeted me in the dark of this bright moonless night.
It was magical. How can we forget this magic, how can we forget how small we are in this huge universe and what a wonder it is that we live on such an abundant unique planet?
It is so easy to forget that magic when we run around in our everyday life as we make it busy with all the seemingly important stuff.
Just after dawn, I was greeted by a sheep that curiously stared at me before hopping back downhill. Later in the morning, I had a beautiful encounter with a fly that intentionally crawled on my finger I had offered it, cleaning my hand with its little trunk. Repeating the whole thing after it had been scared away by another fly.
I also had an amazing healing session with a bee that had distorted its legs and took about 30 minutes to recover (not that I would really know how long it took, I had no watch with me). Once the bee was good to fly again after several attempts, it flew up into the air, stood still there for a moment as if to greet me, and then flew off. It left me deeply honoured.
Having so much time on my hand for just being, I saw the most amazing shapes and patterns in the clouds above me, even something that looked like a handwriting.
At some point during that endless day, I asked the question: “What is my life‘s purpose?”
Wanting someone else to tell me. Wanting to have an answer I could work with, aspire to.
As soon as I had asked that question, the answer arose in me or from somewhere: „It is to live. By having been born, you fulfilled your purpose.“
Well, congratulations to us all! My mind didn’t like that answer. It is too simple, I thought. It can’t be that simple.
So I started to collect some arguments. If that was true, it would mean it doesn’t matter what I do with my life. It wouldn’t matter what anyone did with their life. Whether we kill our planet or not would be irrelevant?
Yes and no, it bubbled up in me from somewhere. Yes it doesn’t matter and then again it does. It’s one of the many paradoxes of being alive in this world. You can choose to matter.
That is really one of the key realisations I took down from that hill:
What do I want to serve in my life? What purpose do I want to fulfil with my life? Do I want children? Do I want a classical career? Do I want a partner and what kind of partner do I want?
How can I ask these questions to anyone else out there, be it a God, or Mother Earth or the starts? There is only one person that can give me an answer to these questions. That person is me.
And so do you.
(By the way: Whether we choose consciously or not, we still choose.)
Sitting on a hill for 2 days and 2 nights without food or water was part of my first Vision Quest, humblecha. I am deeply humbled and nourished by that experience.