In love, there are no winners AND losers. We can both win or we can both lose, but never can one win or lose against the other.

Nevertheless, we do play these games, and often. Well, I cannot speak for you, but I am convinced it’s something applicable to many people out there. I will write about myself, because that’s all I can really speak for right now.

Unconsciously or consciously, I may withhold my emotions, feelings, hold back what needs to be said, play power games, secretly hoping that the other will give in and I can “win”. That’s flawed thinking because when I play games against my partner and vice versa, no-one wins: love is lost (at least temporarily). I play these games out of fear, and they have nothing to do with love, not with my love for someone else nor with my love for myself.

When I love myself, I dare to be seen with all my vulnerability. That is extremely scary. So what’s more reasonable than choosing the seemingly easier option of withdrawing and waiting for the other one to make the next step?

To be honest: Everything is more reasonable than withdrawing. It is totally reasonable to choose love over fear, because only when I show my vulnerabilities is when love stands a chance. If I don’t dare that, then I will not find love, not with this partner nor any other partner to come.

I grew up and live in a “fast love” world. Just like with fast food, fast entertainment, fast shopping, I want love that is “quick and easy”. The other one is supposed to make me happy, I might think. I might even go as far as clearly stating that that is not what I think, when really, deep down, a part of me does.

So, what is the way out of these games? It starts with self-love. Being brutally honest as to what I need and want in a relationship, and then taking a stand for that, being totally vulnerable. Then see what happens… it may lead to the end of a love relationship with someone. And it might be the beginning of an authentic love relationship with myself.

Photo by Michael Fenton on Unsplash.

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